A Sense of Mattering

Home » Blog » A Sense of Mattering

A Sense of Mattering

November 28, 2023 | Jessie Nolasco-Sandino, LMSW | 7 min. read

Happy November! May the Holiday season treat us well and make space for an opportunity to connect with others and ourselves.

Today I’d like to take the opportunity to speak about mattering, a concept I recently came across in one of my readings, and circles back to the concept of loneliness I spoke about last month.

Mattering may even help reduce mental health issues such as depression, anxiety and overall stress of being a human during uncertain times.

A Sense of Mattering OMHG Blog

A quote that resonates well for this concept is “Nothing exists by itself alone.

We all belong to each other; we cannot cut reality into pieces” by Thich Nhat Hanh. What I think this quote refers to is that we are all intertwined and interconnected to one another and each of us plays a part in the greater whole.In the intricate web of existence, amid the challenges and uncertainties, the concept of mattering shines brightly.

Mattering is the profound recognition that our lives are intertwined with each other and more connected than we think.

To matter signifies that our thoughts, actions, feelings and choices have a lasting impact, leaving a trace and/or legacy behind us, in the next generation passed down through our children. Embracing the idea of mattering means acknowledging our life force within us in the grand scheme of things. It is the understanding that our existence is not arbitrary; rather, we are essential strands intricately woven together as we are interconnected.

In an article written by Gordon L. Flett, he identifies eight important aspects about Mattering:

1. Mattering is powerful.

The power of mattering is evident in its ability to change the lives of individuals who experience that they matter from their peers/family.

2. Mattering is a vital source of resilience & adaptability.

When an individual feels that they matter, they are more resilient to adversities like stress or anxiety. Alternatively, those who do not experience a sense of mattering when they are exposed to adversity, are at risk and vulnerable.

3. Mattering is modifiable.

How one obtains a sense of mattering can be changed based on different circumstances and individuals. It is not set to specific parameters, rather individuals can learn to cultivate it flexibly.

4. Mattering is central to how people define themselves.

Mattering is strongly linked to the self. Positive reactions occur in the self when one feels like they matter, while negative reactions occur when the self feels like they don’t.

5. Mattering is pertinent across the lifespan.

Some research that has been conducted among adults suggest that mattering is closely linked to well-being throughout their lives. Feelings of not mattering are more closely linked to depression.

6. Mattering is relevant to our current times.

Mattering can help the challenges of uncertain times such as war and sickness. It is even seen as a core element in enduring such events.

7. Mattering is universal.

The differences in mattering have been studied across the world in many different countries, all of which show that there are similarities in the need to matter. It should be noted though that comparative cross-cultural research has not yet been conducted.

8. Mattering has great knowledge of mobilization potential.

Because mattering resonates with so many and is simple to understand, it is easier to spread awareness and knowledge on the subject that seems to be intuitive to human beings.

Identifying these eight pillars of mattering creates an opportunity to create space to grow, expand and stretch in new ways of being. It adds purpose and meaning to our everyday tasks and daily responsibilities. It gives us a sense that we are connected and that how we choose to live our lives and carry ourselves in the world impacts others around us. For example, every smile shared, every act of kindness, and every moment of compassion spreads far beyond ourselves, impacting the collective human experience. How we show up matters. How we choose to act or not act towards others matters. What we think, behave and feel matters.

Mattering is recognizing the truth that being connected, belonging in a community, reminds us that we are not isolated beings but integral contributors to the ever-evolving story of humanity.

May we learn from history. May we wake up and do things differently. In recognizing our inherent worth, we find the strength to navigate challenges and foster a world where every individual is valued, and every life truly matters.

Source: An Introduction, Review, and Conceptual Analysis of Mattering as an Essential Construct and an Essential Way of Life

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Grief and the Holidays

Home » Blog » Grief and the Holidays

Grief and the Holidays

November 21, 2023 | Lisa Ferraro, LCPC | 5 min. read

While the holidays may bring celebration and joy, they can also be a difficult time for others, especially those who are in the midst of grief.

Grief can be experienced with many kinds of profound loss (death of a loved one, death of a pet, loss of a job, loss of a relationship, moving, health diagnosis, etc).

Grief and the Holidays OMHG Blog

Here are some suggestions to manage the holidays when you are grieving:

  • Expectations — Acknowledge that the holidays will likely be different this year. The only expectation to hold is that the holidays may be DIFFERENT this year. There may be times of sadness, anger, loneliness, gratitude and/or joy; all are normal.
  • Choose your Holiday Activities: It is okay if you don’t want to decorate as much or plan to forgo the usual festivities. It’s also okay to celebrate as you usually do or in a totally different way this year. There are no “shoulds” or “musts.” Only do what is right for you. Decorate if you want, skip decorating, decorate totally differently or delegate decorating for someone else. Consider a new tradition if it feels right.
  • Plan Ahead and Have an Exit Strategy. Decide ahead of time what activities you will do and what you may skip. Your energy levels may be low during grief so it’s helpful to plan accordingly. Discuss your plans with those family and friends who may be involved in your holiday celebrations. Share with them that you reserve the right to change your mind at the last minute if your energy level and mood are low. It will help avoid unrealistic expectations and hurt feelings. It’s okay to change your mind at the last minute about attending dinners, parties or to leave a function early.
  • Allow Yourself Time and Space as needed. Give yourself time to reflect on memories and express your feelings. Be mindful of your need for quiet and solitude.
  • Share Your Feelings. Talk about your feelings and memories with trusted friends or family who will accept you and your feelings. Talk about all the feelings — the happiness, the sadness, the regrets, the frustrations. Consider joining a grief support group (see resources below) or seeking counseling. Grief support groups are often free.
  • Have a Good Cry. Tears help release intense feelings and are a natural expression of grief that also help lower stress (cortisol) levels.
  • Consider Journaling. Journaling can be a very helpful tool when grieving. Consider writing a letter to your loved one sharing your current feelings.
  • Ask for Help. Tell others when you need help and be as specific as possible. For example, “l need to talk to someone about my Dad today. Would you listen and be with me for an hour or so?”
  • Take Care of Your Physical Health. Try to get adequate rest, eat nutritious foods, and exercise if you are able — even a brisk walk or time in nature can be helpful. Grief often includes symptoms such as disrupted sleep, headaches, low energy, shortness of breath, nausea, and weight loss. Listen to your body and if you need extra rest or medical attention, make sure you are getting it!
  • Engage in Small Pleasures. Do not underestimate the healing effects of small pleasures as you are ready. Watching a sunset, spending time in nature, enjoying a favorite food or tradition. All are small steps toward regaining your pleasure in life.
  • Do Something Good For Others. If you are able, consider doing something for others. It doesn’t need to be a grand gesture. For example, donating a few canned goods to the local food bank. Helping others can be a way of channeling your grief.
  • Be Kind To Yourself. Grief is a non-linear process. Sometimes after a period of feeling better, we find ourselves in old feelings of extreme sadness, despair or anger. This is normal because, as humans, we cannot process all of the pain and meaning of profound loss at once. There are often many secondary losses one experiences during the first year of grieving. For example, hearing a song on the radio that brings back a specific memory and reminds you of your loss. Some days will be more difficult than others. Don’t place unreasonable expectations on yourself or fault yourself for “not getting over it sooner.” If you feel joyful in the moment, it’s okay to experience joy. If you feel sad in the moment, it’s okay to experience sadness. All feelings are valid.

For more information, please see resources below:

https://www.frederickhealthhospice.org/grief-loss/ Grief Support Groups

https://www.montgomerycountymd.gov/HHS/Resources/Files/HoTTopics/Grief%20and%20Bereavement%20Resources%2011-2020.pdf — Several Grief Support Groups in Montgomery County

https://www.jssa.org/services/hospice/grief-support-groups/ Teen Suicide Support Group, Adult Children Who Have Lost a Parent Support Group, Loss of Spouse Support Group, COVID Loss Support Group, Adult Suicide Grief Support Group

https://www.wisesayings.com/grieving-support-guide/ Several Resources Organized in Sections by Topic (e.g. Grief Support for Widows, Military Families, Suicide Survivors, etc.)

https://robertashouse.org/ Support Groups for Homicide Grief Support

www.bereavedparentsusa.org For Parents Who Have Lost a Child

https://www.loveinthetrenches.org/grief-support-group Zoom Support Groups for Parents Who Have Lost a Child to Overdose or Addiction

https://www.mdcoalition.org/support_group/our-healing-hearts-online-grief-support-group-for-parents-who-have-lost-a-child-to-overdose/ For Parents Who Have Lost a Child to Overdose

https://elunanetwork.org/camps-programs/camp-erin/ — Grief Camp for Children & Teens

https://www.griefshare.org/countries/us/states/md/cities/frederick Christian Grief Support Groups

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Models of Disability

Home » Blog » The Three Models of Disability

The Three Models of Disability

November 17, 2024 | Katie Lawliss, Psy.D. | 7 min. read

The term disability is defined by the ADA as a person who has a physical or mental impairment that substantially limits one or more major life activities.

This includes people who have a record of such an impairment, even if they do not currently have a disability. It also includes individuals who do not have a disability but are regarded as having a disability (1). This definition is intended for use in the legal world. However, the ADA definition of disability is what most people think of when they hear the word disability. After exploring the models of disability, there may be a better way to define disability.

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A model of disability means a way of conceptualizing disabilities.

While there are many models of disability, there are three main models of disability that are used today. These include the Medical Model, Functional Model, and Social Model. 

First, the Medical Model of disability describes disability as a consequence of a health condition, disease, or caused by trauma that disrupts a person’s wellbeing.

In other words, the Medical Model views disability as a defect within an individual that needs to be cured or fixed in order to have a high quality of life. The medical model considers the concept of an average person and determines that deviations from the “average person” indicate a need for correction. This model therefore assumes that disability is inherently negative. 

Second, the Functional Model of disability also conceptualizes disability as an impairment or deficit and focuses on the functional limitations.

The view is that a disability itself limits the person’s functioning or ability to perform functional activities. The functional and medical models have some in common, mainly that the disability is viewed as something to fix about the person rather than look at systematic, cultural, and situational influences that impact functional limitations. The functional model focuses less on the underlying condition and instead focuses on restoring functional capacity. 

Finally, the third primary model of disability is the Social Model. The Social Model focuses on the barriers that disabled people face rather than the condition leading to impairment.

This model states that the person’s activities are limited by the environmental conditions rather than the underlying condition itself. In this case disability is defined as “the loss of limitation of opportunities to take part in the normal life of the community on an equal level with others due to physical and social barriers” (Barnes, 1991). The Social Model depathologizes disability by focusing on systematic and environmental concerns that lead to prejudice and discrimination, which truly causes disability.

Is it important for people to consider which model of disability they see the world from, and it could be a perspective that integrates aspects of the various models of disability.

Historically, psychology has mainly aligned itself with the Medical Model of disability, with some theoretical approaches leaning more towards the Functional Model. However, more recently as the field becomes more aware of its biases and prejudice, mental health practitioners are gaining a better understanding of the Social Model of disability which is important to the therapeutic relationship and therapy as a whole. 

If you are a person with a disability, consider how these models have affected your wellbeing and which you align with.

This can be an important topic to discuss with a therapist to gain a better understanding of how you view yourself and the world around you. I hope this language allows you to gain insight into your life and disability. If you are not someone with a disability, consider how your understanding of disability affects how you interact with the world and people with disabilities. While you may be currently able bodied, that may change over time and gaining insight into your beliefs about disability can be instrumental in your wellbeing going forward in life. 

  1. https://adata.org/faq/what-definition-disability-under-ada

  2. Evans, N. J., Broido, E. M., Brown, K. R., & Wilke, A. K. (2017). Disability in higher education: A social justice approach. Jossey-Bass, a Wiley Brand. 

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Will My Therapist Send Me to the Hospital?

Home » Blog » Will My Therapist Send Me to the Hospital?

Will My Therapist Send Me to the Hospital?

November 14, 2023 | Katie Lawliss, Psy.D. | 10 min. read

Trigger warning: discusses self-harm and suicidality.

First, please know that hospitalization is not done lightly. No therapist enjoys sending their clients to the emergency room. This blog will cover some of the reasons why a therapist may make the call to send their clients to the hospital.

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When beginning therapy, a therapist should go over informed consent.

This typically includes practice policies and limits to confidentiality. During this conversation, your therapist will explain that one of the limits of confidentiality is if the client is in imminent danger to themselves or to someone else. This means that your therapist is legally allowed to not keep confidentiality if you are a danger to yourself or to someone else. With that in mind, what does it mean to be in imminent danger to yourself?

The topic of self harm and suicidality comes up frequently in therapy.

In fact, researchers have stated that almost a third of young people attending youth-orientated mental health services and participating in longitudinal research report some degree of suicidal ideation (Scott, Hermens, Naismeth et al., 2012). This study included 494 people between the ages of 12-30. It is not uncommon for adolescents and adults to have thoughts about killing themselves. It is common for those with suicidal thoughts to not engage with therapy so the actual number of people experiencing suicidal ideation is higher than 32%. 

However, oftentimes clients worry about what they can share with their therapist without alarming them to the point of being admitted to an inpatient hospital (or as the younger generation calls it, “grippy sock vacation” named after the type of socks you are given to wear in the hospital that are anti-slip). 

There are varying levels of self harm and suicidality that your therapist is assessing in these conversations to determine the level of risk you are to yourself.

A therapist may ask their client questions like “how often are you thinking about hurting yourself?”, “have you thought about how you would do it?”, “what are the reasons you have not hurt yourself?”, “do you have access to medication/firearms/etc.?” 

A therapist wants to understand how much time their client is spending thinking about hurting themself, if they have a plan, if they have access to means of harming themselves, and if they have intent on acting on their plan. If the answers to those questions cause a therapist significant alarm and feel like the only way to keep their client safe is to have the client go to the hospital, then that is when a therapist will make the call to do so. 

However, when there is cause for alarm but not imminent danger there are efforts to keep clients safe before enacting a plan to go to the hospital.

Examples of these types of plans include: phoning a friend/family member, who a client and their therapist explain the situation to so they can be of closer support; it could mean more frequent check ins with a therapist; it might be developing a safety plan; or referring the client to intensive outpatient treatment (multiple hours and multiple days a week of treatment) or partial hospitalization (spending days but not nights in a program at the hospital). The same line of questioning and assessment is indicated when a therapist believes a person is in imminent danger to someone else.

If a client tells a therapist that they have plans to seriously injure or kill someone else, the therapist will break confidentiality.

Appropriate measures will be taken to keep both their client and the other person safe. In some states, therapists also have a duty to warn. This means that beyond helping their client be safe, they need to protect the other person in danger. This may include notifying police, warning the intended victim, and/or taking other reasonable steps to protect the threatened individual. 

The other circumstance that may lead a therapist to send a client to the hospital falls under the same principals; however, the imminent danger to themselves or someone else is not related to suicidality or intent to harm someone else.

In the case that a client has seriously impaired judgment that could lead to harm to themselves or someone else a therapist may deem that going to the hospital is necessary. This could be due to mania, psychosis, or something else related to mental health. In this case, harm to self could look like being so impaired that the person can not see the danger of running into a busy street, inability to care for oneself, or worsening symptoms that require immediate stabilization. Danger to others may look like a client having the inability to accurately assess a situation that could seriously harm another person, hallucinations encouraging violence that the person believes due to psychosis, or physically injuring someone due to a break in reality, just to name a few. 

Therapists do not want to send you to the hospital; however, if going to the emergency room is going to keep you safe then they need to make that call.

Ideally, your therapist discusses the need to go to the emergency room and you agree to go with a trusted loved one. Unfortunately, if you do not agree to this arrangement, the therapist does have the ability to petition for emergency evaluation due to the present danger of hurting yourself or others. If this happens, you would be escorted to the emergency room by law enforcement. This is a last resort option and only used when it is imperative to your health and life. 

The goal of hospitalization is safety and stabilization. Being in the emergency room will keep a client safe during a crisis in a way that the therapist cannot outside of the hospital. The hospital is also able to administer and adjust medication quickly which will help with stabilization of symptoms. As therapists, we know the hospital is daunting and uncomfortable. We wish the inpatient mental health system had a better set up and was more useful therapeutically. However, its main use is keeping clients safe when nothing else will.

If you are concerned about your therapist sending you to the hospital, have a conversation about it.

Tell them your concerns and ask for a review about the limits to confidentiality. Your therapist cares about you and is looking out for your best interest, and this includes having open conversations about suicidality, self harm, thoughts about hurting others, and symptoms like mania and psychosis. Most conversations about these topics will not lead to hospitalization and they are important conversations to have with your therapist so they can best help you. 

Reference

Scott, E.M., Hermens, D.F., Naismith, S.L. et al. Thoughts of death or suicidal ideation are common in young people aged 12 to 30 years presenting for mental health care. BMC Psychiatry 12, 234 (2012)

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Living With an Invisible Illness

Home » Blog » Living With an Invisible Illness

Living With an Invisible Illness

October 31, 2023 | Katie Lawliss, Psy.D. | 10 min. read

October is Invisible Illness Awareness Month. In honor of this, let’s dive into what invisible illness means and work to understand how it impacts one’s lived experience.

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Disabilities and illnesses can be visible or invisible. Or sometimes a combination of the two.

It can be ever changing depending on how the person is feeling or progressing in their illness. Both invisible and visible disabilities have struggles associated with it. Invisible illness is exactly what it sounds like, it is a medical condition that is not visible to others.

Examples of invisible illnesses include psychiatric disorders, diabetes, heart conditions, and chronic migraine.

Whereas, visible illnesses have aspects of the condition that other people can see and, therefore, understand that there is a medical condition present. Examples include, someone with hair loss related to chemotherapy treatment for cancer, the use of a mobility device for someone with chronic pain, or particular facial features associated with down syndrome. This blog is focused on the intricacies of invisible illnesses, however both versions of disability and illness have valid struggles.

Whether you have a disability or not you may have either thought or heard some of these sentiments before:

A 40-something year old gets out of their car, that is parked in a handicap spot and does not use a mobility aid: “That person does not need the handicap parking space, they are not even disabled”

This person has cystic fibrosis and struggles to breath when walking the distance though the parking lot.

A 30-something year old has to cancel plans due to chronic pain and dizziness related to their condition: “He could walk yesterday, but now he can’t? He just doesn’t want to hang out with us, he always cancels.”

This person has chronic fatigue syndrome and is experiencing a crash after pushing himself through the work week.

A 20 year old woman goes to the doctor complaining of increased fatigue, joint pain, and sudden weight gain: “You look fine and are too young to be sick. Just get more exercise and watch your diet.”

This person has ovarian cancer but will not find out for over a year due to being “too young” for ovarian cancer.

A 15 year old girl is not keeping up with chores and homework: “She is just lazy and does not want to put the effort in.”

This girl has ADHD and wants to do her chores and school work but her executive functioning challenges make it so that she can’t keep up with the demands of home and school. 

All of these statements are rooted in ableism and the lack of knowledge about invisible illnesses. Unfortunately, it is not an uncommon experience in the invisible disability space.

Having an invisible illness is hard. One of the reasons it can be hard is because people may not believe that you are sick and have a lack of empathy for your difficulties because they cannot see the difficulties nor experience them.

It can also be exhausting to educate others and advocate for yourself so people will believe you. However, it is necessary to do so in order to have your needs met and take care of yourself. People with visible disabilities also need to advocate for themselves due to ableism in society. The difference for those with invisible disabilities is you also need to “prove” you are sick. And once you do, people may frequently forget because your illness is out of sight and out of mind to them. Although, living with the illness you do not get the luxury of your illness being out of sight and out of mind as you live with it daily.

While having an invisible disability is burdensome, due to living in an ableist society, the ability to be able to “hide” your illness can be helpful when facing prejudice and discrimination. The problem is that people with invisible disabilities are often taught to lean into this and hide their disability, which tends to cause more issues than benefits. It is important to know that having an invisible disability is valid and it is not their job to hide their disability from others in order to make them comfortable. Having a disability is not something to be ashamed of; however, being taught to hide the illness (because it is invisible) can lead to feelings of shame or lead to minimizing their needs and experiences.

Invisible illness means it is not readily visible to others. However, it does not mean that it is not valid and not visible to the person living with it every single day.

Support may not be directed towards them because people can not see the need for support. This does not mean that they don’t need support. People may make accusations that they are  faking the illness or not understand the variability of symptoms day to day.

It is important that if you experience an invisible illness that you can remind yourself that your disability is real and valid. Coping with the struggles that come with invisible disabilities mainly includes believing in yourself and your own experiences. If you are able to validate your experiences you can better advocate for yourself, notice ableism around you, and take care of yourself both mentally and physically. The more you are able to communicate about your experiences, even if others’ cannot see it, the more likely you are to gain understanding from your loved ones and get support when you need it.

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Understanding Loneliness

Home » Blog » Understanding Loneliness

Understanding Loneliness

October 12, 2023 | Jessie Nolasco-Sandino, LMSW | 7 min. read

Hello! My name is Jessie Nolasco-Sandino and I am a Licensed Master’s Social Worker (LMSW) at Orchard Mental Health Group.

I specialize in working with a diverse group of people such as children, adolescents, young adults and middle-aged adults utilizing a variety of tools and techniques. My therapy style is hands-on using a person-centered and strength-based approach from a trauma-informed care lens. 

I look forward to sharing insights and knowledge about different psychological and social topics that can help us grow and understand the human experience.

We all have somewhat of an understanding and comprehension of loneliness from what we see in social media, news outlets, personal experience and what we hear from our peers and family members.

Oftentimes loneliness is seen as an emotional response to a stressful event or chemical imbalance in the brain, which can lead to Depression. Many individuals tend to socially isolate when depressed and/or facing life challenges. Others struggle to build community or reach out to others for social and emotional support.

Loneliness, as described and explained, by Dr. Jeremy Nobel (2023) is defined as the uncomfortable feeling of a perceived gap between the connections we want with others and the connections we feel we have.

He categorizes loneliness into: psychological loneliness, societal loneliness and existential loneliness.

Psychological loneliness is understood as a longing for an authentic connection with another human being, to relay your troubles, trust and be vulnerable with, and open up emotionally to another person.

It’s seen as an uncomfortable, psychological internal conflict that may produce negative emotions of sadness, regret, shame, self-doubt, confusion and embarrassment. Furthermore, individuals struggling with psychological loneliness may be afraid to be vulnerable and develop or create intimate, deep social and emotional connections with others. This type of loneliness is possibly due to unstable, insecure or avoidant attachments to others or due to unresolved trust and abandonment concerns that left them mistrustful of others.

Societal loneliness is defined more as the overwhelming sense of not fitting in or belonging, of being systematically excluded, from the societal, group or community narrative.

It’s the experience of being uninvited or rejected by either a peer group, work colleagues, neighbors, or society at large due to race, religion, gender, disabilities, socioeconomic status, nationality, implicit biases and other societal stigmas and/or conformities that exclude and “other” people.

Lastly, we have existential or spiritual loneliness, and this is characterized as lacking connection with the Self and others.

As if something is missing in life despite all the wealth, accomplishments, friends and resources available to a person. It arises from the mysteries and unknowns of life, when there’s no purpose or meaning to life and when navigating existential dilemmas. Some questions we may ask ourselves:  Do we have a mission and purpose that connects us to the universal? Do we matter? Do our lives have consequence? Where do I fit in?

Understanding Loneliness OMHG Blog

So how do we alleviate our loneliness?

Dr. Nobel recommends we first minimize the gap in our perceptions between the way we want things to be and the way we experience them to be. We do this by differentiating between the three types of loneliness and identifying which loneliness afflicts us in order to gain clarity to explore the feelings, thoughts and ways to best respond to the loneliness.

We can seek out therapy to begin the inner work of self-healing and repairing the relationship with ourselves.

We can reach out and lean into our social support groups, friendships, networks, and community for emotional support during bouts of loneliness. We can tolerate the discomfort of asking ourselves the tough questions of what is our core and the fears we avoid. We can listen and see ourselves for who we really are and practice self-acceptance as we venture out onto the journey of self-discovery.

Loneliness is a human response many individuals experience and is a socially isolating, limiting issue detrimental to our mental health. But through therapy and self-exploration we can build community, create social connections, explore our spirituality and values, find peaceful outlets, repair intimate relationships and heal ourselves, which can help reduce the different types of loneliness and increase understanding of how to improve loneliness as part of the human condition.

Reference

Nobel, Jeremy. (2023). Project Unlonely: Healing our Crisis of Disconnection. Penguin Random House. www.artandhealing.org

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