Grief and the Holidays

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Grief and the Holidays

November 21, 2023 | Lisa Ferraro, LCPC | 5 min. read

While the holidays may bring celebration and joy, they can also be a difficult time for others, especially those who are in the midst of grief.

Grief can be experienced with many kinds of profound loss (death of a loved one, death of a pet, loss of a job, loss of a relationship, moving, health diagnosis, etc).

Grief and the Holidays OMHG Blog

Here are some suggestions to manage the holidays when you are grieving:

  • Expectations — Acknowledge that the holidays will likely be different this year. The only expectation to hold is that the holidays may be DIFFERENT this year. There may be times of sadness, anger, loneliness, gratitude and/or joy; all are normal.
  • Choose your Holiday Activities: It is okay if you don’t want to decorate as much or plan to forgo the usual festivities. It’s also okay to celebrate as you usually do or in a totally different way this year. There are no “shoulds” or “musts.” Only do what is right for you. Decorate if you want, skip decorating, decorate totally differently or delegate decorating for someone else. Consider a new tradition if it feels right.
  • Plan Ahead and Have an Exit Strategy. Decide ahead of time what activities you will do and what you may skip. Your energy levels may be low during grief so it’s helpful to plan accordingly. Discuss your plans with those family and friends who may be involved in your holiday celebrations. Share with them that you reserve the right to change your mind at the last minute if your energy level and mood are low. It will help avoid unrealistic expectations and hurt feelings. It’s okay to change your mind at the last minute about attending dinners, parties or to leave a function early.
  • Allow Yourself Time and Space as needed. Give yourself time to reflect on memories and express your feelings. Be mindful of your need for quiet and solitude.
  • Share Your Feelings. Talk about your feelings and memories with trusted friends or family who will accept you and your feelings. Talk about all the feelings — the happiness, the sadness, the regrets, the frustrations. Consider joining a grief support group (see resources below) or seeking counseling. Grief support groups are often free.
  • Have a Good Cry. Tears help release intense feelings and are a natural expression of grief that also help lower stress (cortisol) levels.
  • Consider Journaling. Journaling can be a very helpful tool when grieving. Consider writing a letter to your loved one sharing your current feelings.
  • Ask for Help. Tell others when you need help and be as specific as possible. For example, “l need to talk to someone about my Dad today. Would you listen and be with me for an hour or so?”
  • Take Care of Your Physical Health. Try to get adequate rest, eat nutritious foods, and exercise if you are able — even a brisk walk or time in nature can be helpful. Grief often includes symptoms such as disrupted sleep, headaches, low energy, shortness of breath, nausea, and weight loss. Listen to your body and if you need extra rest or medical attention, make sure you are getting it!
  • Engage in Small Pleasures. Do not underestimate the healing effects of small pleasures as you are ready. Watching a sunset, spending time in nature, enjoying a favorite food or tradition. All are small steps toward regaining your pleasure in life.
  • Do Something Good For Others. If you are able, consider doing something for others. It doesn’t need to be a grand gesture. For example, donating a few canned goods to the local food bank. Helping others can be a way of channeling your grief.
  • Be Kind To Yourself. Grief is a non-linear process. Sometimes after a period of feeling better, we find ourselves in old feelings of extreme sadness, despair or anger. This is normal because, as humans, we cannot process all of the pain and meaning of profound loss at once. There are often many secondary losses one experiences during the first year of grieving. For example, hearing a song on the radio that brings back a specific memory and reminds you of your loss. Some days will be more difficult than others. Don’t place unreasonable expectations on yourself or fault yourself for “not getting over it sooner.” If you feel joyful in the moment, it’s okay to experience joy. If you feel sad in the moment, it’s okay to experience sadness. All feelings are valid.

For more information, please see resources below:

https://www.frederickhealthhospice.org/grief-loss/ Grief Support Groups

https://www.montgomerycountymd.gov/HHS/Resources/Files/HoTTopics/Grief%20and%20Bereavement%20Resources%2011-2020.pdf — Several Grief Support Groups in Montgomery County

https://www.jssa.org/services/hospice/grief-support-groups/ Teen Suicide Support Group, Adult Children Who Have Lost a Parent Support Group, Loss of Spouse Support Group, COVID Loss Support Group, Adult Suicide Grief Support Group

https://www.wisesayings.com/grieving-support-guide/ Several Resources Organized in Sections by Topic (e.g. Grief Support for Widows, Military Families, Suicide Survivors, etc.)

https://robertashouse.org/ Support Groups for Homicide Grief Support

www.bereavedparentsusa.org For Parents Who Have Lost a Child

https://www.loveinthetrenches.org/grief-support-group Zoom Support Groups for Parents Who Have Lost a Child to Overdose or Addiction

https://www.mdcoalition.org/support_group/our-healing-hearts-online-grief-support-group-for-parents-who-have-lost-a-child-to-overdose/ For Parents Who Have Lost a Child to Overdose

https://elunanetwork.org/camps-programs/camp-erin/ — Grief Camp for Children & Teens

https://www.griefshare.org/countries/us/states/md/cities/frederick Christian Grief Support Groups

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Models of Disability

Home » Blog » The Three Models of Disability

The Three Models of Disability

November 17, 2024 | Katie Lawliss, Psy.D. | 7 min. read

The term disability is defined by the ADA as a person who has a physical or mental impairment that substantially limits one or more major life activities.

This includes people who have a record of such an impairment, even if they do not currently have a disability. It also includes individuals who do not have a disability but are regarded as having a disability (1). This definition is intended for use in the legal world. However, the ADA definition of disability is what most people think of when they hear the word disability. After exploring the models of disability, there may be a better way to define disability.

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A model of disability means a way of conceptualizing disabilities.

While there are many models of disability, there are three main models of disability that are used today. These include the Medical Model, Functional Model, and Social Model. 

First, the Medical Model of disability describes disability as a consequence of a health condition, disease, or caused by trauma that disrupts a person’s wellbeing.

In other words, the Medical Model views disability as a defect within an individual that needs to be cured or fixed in order to have a high quality of life. The medical model considers the concept of an average person and determines that deviations from the “average person” indicate a need for correction. This model therefore assumes that disability is inherently negative. 

Second, the Functional Model of disability also conceptualizes disability as an impairment or deficit and focuses on the functional limitations.

The view is that a disability itself limits the person’s functioning or ability to perform functional activities. The functional and medical models have some in common, mainly that the disability is viewed as something to fix about the person rather than look at systematic, cultural, and situational influences that impact functional limitations. The functional model focuses less on the underlying condition and instead focuses on restoring functional capacity. 

Finally, the third primary model of disability is the Social Model. The Social Model focuses on the barriers that disabled people face rather than the condition leading to impairment.

This model states that the person’s activities are limited by the environmental conditions rather than the underlying condition itself. In this case disability is defined as “the loss of limitation of opportunities to take part in the normal life of the community on an equal level with others due to physical and social barriers” (Barnes, 1991). The Social Model depathologizes disability by focusing on systematic and environmental concerns that lead to prejudice and discrimination, which truly causes disability.

Is it important for people to consider which model of disability they see the world from, and it could be a perspective that integrates aspects of the various models of disability.

Historically, psychology has mainly aligned itself with the Medical Model of disability, with some theoretical approaches leaning more towards the Functional Model. However, more recently as the field becomes more aware of its biases and prejudice, mental health practitioners are gaining a better understanding of the Social Model of disability which is important to the therapeutic relationship and therapy as a whole. 

If you are a person with a disability, consider how these models have affected your wellbeing and which you align with.

This can be an important topic to discuss with a therapist to gain a better understanding of how you view yourself and the world around you. I hope this language allows you to gain insight into your life and disability. If you are not someone with a disability, consider how your understanding of disability affects how you interact with the world and people with disabilities. While you may be currently able bodied, that may change over time and gaining insight into your beliefs about disability can be instrumental in your wellbeing going forward in life. 

  1. https://adata.org/faq/what-definition-disability-under-ada

  2. Evans, N. J., Broido, E. M., Brown, K. R., & Wilke, A. K. (2017). Disability in higher education: A social justice approach. Jossey-Bass, a Wiley Brand. 

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Will My Therapist Send Me to the Hospital?

Home » Blog » Will My Therapist Send Me to the Hospital?

Will My Therapist Send Me to the Hospital?

November 14, 2023 | Katie Lawliss, Psy.D. | 10 min. read

Trigger warning: discusses self-harm and suicidality.

First, please know that hospitalization is not done lightly. No therapist enjoys sending their clients to the emergency room. This blog will cover some of the reasons why a therapist may make the call to send their clients to the hospital.

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When beginning therapy, a therapist should go over informed consent.

This typically includes practice policies and limits to confidentiality. During this conversation, your therapist will explain that one of the limits of confidentiality is if the client is in imminent danger to themselves or to someone else. This means that your therapist is legally allowed to not keep confidentiality if you are a danger to yourself or to someone else. With that in mind, what does it mean to be in imminent danger to yourself?

The topic of self harm and suicidality comes up frequently in therapy.

In fact, researchers have stated that almost a third of young people attending youth-orientated mental health services and participating in longitudinal research report some degree of suicidal ideation (Scott, Hermens, Naismeth et al., 2012). This study included 494 people between the ages of 12-30. It is not uncommon for adolescents and adults to have thoughts about killing themselves. It is common for those with suicidal thoughts to not engage with therapy so the actual number of people experiencing suicidal ideation is higher than 32%. 

However, oftentimes clients worry about what they can share with their therapist without alarming them to the point of being admitted to an inpatient hospital (or as the younger generation calls it, “grippy sock vacation” named after the type of socks you are given to wear in the hospital that are anti-slip). 

There are varying levels of self harm and suicidality that your therapist is assessing in these conversations to determine the level of risk you are to yourself.

A therapist may ask their client questions like “how often are you thinking about hurting yourself?”, “have you thought about how you would do it?”, “what are the reasons you have not hurt yourself?”, “do you have access to medication/firearms/etc.?” 

A therapist wants to understand how much time their client is spending thinking about hurting themself, if they have a plan, if they have access to means of harming themselves, and if they have intent on acting on their plan. If the answers to those questions cause a therapist significant alarm and feel like the only way to keep their client safe is to have the client go to the hospital, then that is when a therapist will make the call to do so. 

However, when there is cause for alarm but not imminent danger there are efforts to keep clients safe before enacting a plan to go to the hospital.

Examples of these types of plans include: phoning a friend/family member, who a client and their therapist explain the situation to so they can be of closer support; it could mean more frequent check ins with a therapist; it might be developing a safety plan; or referring the client to intensive outpatient treatment (multiple hours and multiple days a week of treatment) or partial hospitalization (spending days but not nights in a program at the hospital). The same line of questioning and assessment is indicated when a therapist believes a person is in imminent danger to someone else.

If a client tells a therapist that they have plans to seriously injure or kill someone else, the therapist will break confidentiality.

Appropriate measures will be taken to keep both their client and the other person safe. In some states, therapists also have a duty to warn. This means that beyond helping their client be safe, they need to protect the other person in danger. This may include notifying police, warning the intended victim, and/or taking other reasonable steps to protect the threatened individual. 

The other circumstance that may lead a therapist to send a client to the hospital falls under the same principals; however, the imminent danger to themselves or someone else is not related to suicidality or intent to harm someone else.

In the case that a client has seriously impaired judgment that could lead to harm to themselves or someone else a therapist may deem that going to the hospital is necessary. This could be due to mania, psychosis, or something else related to mental health. In this case, harm to self could look like being so impaired that the person can not see the danger of running into a busy street, inability to care for oneself, or worsening symptoms that require immediate stabilization. Danger to others may look like a client having the inability to accurately assess a situation that could seriously harm another person, hallucinations encouraging violence that the person believes due to psychosis, or physically injuring someone due to a break in reality, just to name a few. 

Therapists do not want to send you to the hospital; however, if going to the emergency room is going to keep you safe then they need to make that call.

Ideally, your therapist discusses the need to go to the emergency room and you agree to go with a trusted loved one. Unfortunately, if you do not agree to this arrangement, the therapist does have the ability to petition for emergency evaluation due to the present danger of hurting yourself or others. If this happens, you would be escorted to the emergency room by law enforcement. This is a last resort option and only used when it is imperative to your health and life. 

The goal of hospitalization is safety and stabilization. Being in the emergency room will keep a client safe during a crisis in a way that the therapist cannot outside of the hospital. The hospital is also able to administer and adjust medication quickly which will help with stabilization of symptoms. As therapists, we know the hospital is daunting and uncomfortable. We wish the inpatient mental health system had a better set up and was more useful therapeutically. However, its main use is keeping clients safe when nothing else will.

If you are concerned about your therapist sending you to the hospital, have a conversation about it.

Tell them your concerns and ask for a review about the limits to confidentiality. Your therapist cares about you and is looking out for your best interest, and this includes having open conversations about suicidality, self harm, thoughts about hurting others, and symptoms like mania and psychosis. Most conversations about these topics will not lead to hospitalization and they are important conversations to have with your therapist so they can best help you. 

Reference

Scott, E.M., Hermens, D.F., Naismith, S.L. et al. Thoughts of death or suicidal ideation are common in young people aged 12 to 30 years presenting for mental health care. BMC Psychiatry 12, 234 (2012). 

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Practicing Social Skills with Children

Home » Blog » Practicing Social Skills with Children

Practicing Social Skills with Children

October 31, 2023 | Joy Thibeault, LCSW-C | 7 min. read

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Hello! My name is Joy Thibeault and I am a Psychotherapist with over 18 years of clinical experience working with children.

At Orchard Mental Health Group, I see clients across the lifespan with special interest around treating neurodivergent clients, as well as those with symptoms of anxiety.

Social skills are very important for a child’s development.

Strong social skills assist a child in developing strong language skills, creativity, social intelligence, and confidence, but social skills are tough!

Children are learning how to initiate and sustain conversation, read and respond appropriately to body language, and take the perspective of others. Many parents can be confused as to how to practice social skills with their children, whether just for practice, or because they have noticed their child struggling. 

Below are five simple ways to practice social skills with your child as an integrated part of family life.

  1. Paper Chain. Introduce this activity as a collaborative competition (“Let’s see how long we can make our paper chain”) and explain that you will be adding a link to the chain for every comment or question either of you say that keeps conversation going on one topic. This activity will assist your child in practicing follow up questions, making connections to the experiences of others, and sustaining conversational exchanges.
  2. What Are They Thinking? This activity could be done on the go with real life scenarios, or at home using pictures or a paused video. Observe a photo, paused video, or real scene happening in front of you (e.g., someone in a grocery store parking lot) and ask your child “What do you think that person is thinking right now and why?” This activity will assist in developing perspective taking, reading body language, and cognitive flexibility.
  3. Apples to Apples / Whoonu. Playing certain games available on the market can also be a great way to provide practice for your child. Both Apples to Apples as well as Cranium’s Whoonu assist children in practicing taking the perspectives of others by asking participants to guess what another player might like best based on what the player knows about them.
  4. A Friend Journal. If your child has difficulty initiating conversation, knowing what to talk about to keep conversation going, or has trouble with greetings, creating a “Friend Journal” might be helpful. The child can make a page for each friend or person they might want to interact with which should include information like: how that person likes to be greeted, things that person is interested in, things that person does not like, and any other information important to conversation. Eventually, your child should mentally sneak a peek at the file they have on this person in their friend journal and use it for clues to how they could engage that friend.
  5. What’s the Story? Sitting in the car somewhere? People watching on a bench? Use that time to practice perspective taking and reading body language! Pick out a person, couple, or small group and try to guess what their story could be. You can ask your child questions like: How do you think they know each other and why? How do you think they feel about each other?

When using these activities with children to practice social skills, remember to remain positive and upbeat and to make these activities fun!

If your child offers what seem to be faulty conclusions from what they are observing, or misinterprets a situation, offer your interpretation of the situation including the specifics of what you observed that gave you that answer (e.g., “I noticed that the person has their arms crossed and their eyebrows pulled together, so it made me think they are probably mad.”) Have fun and remember, practice makes progress!

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Living With an Invisible Illness

Home » Blog » Living With an Invisible Illness

Living With an Invisible Illness

October 31, 2023 | Katie Lawliss, Psy.D. | 10 min. read

October is Invisible Illness Awareness Month. In honor of this, let’s dive into what invisible illness means and work to understand how it impacts one’s lived experience.

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Disabilities and illnesses can be visible or invisible. Or sometimes a combination of the two.

It can be ever changing depending on how the person is feeling or progressing in their illness. Both invisible and visible disabilities have struggles associated with it. Invisible illness is exactly what it sounds like, it is a medical condition that is not visible to others.

Examples of invisible illnesses include psychiatric disorders, diabetes, heart conditions, and chronic migraine.

Whereas, visible illnesses have aspects of the condition that other people can see and, therefore, understand that there is a medical condition present. Examples include, someone with hair loss related to chemotherapy treatment for cancer, the use of a mobility device for someone with chronic pain, or particular facial features associated with down syndrome. This blog is focused on the intricacies of invisible illnesses, however both versions of disability and illness have valid struggles.

Whether you have a disability or not you may have either thought or heard some of these sentiments before:

A 40-something year old gets out of their car, that is parked in a handicap spot and does not use a mobility aid: “That person does not need the handicap parking space, they are not even disabled”

This person has cystic fibrosis and struggles to breath when walking the distance though the parking lot.

A 30-something year old has to cancel plans due to chronic pain and dizziness related to their condition: “He could walk yesterday, but now he can’t? He just doesn’t want to hang out with us, he always cancels.”

This person has chronic fatigue syndrome and is experiencing a crash after pushing himself through the work week.

A 20 year old woman goes to the doctor complaining of increased fatigue, joint pain, and sudden weight gain: “You look fine and are too young to be sick. Just get more exercise and watch your diet.”

This person has ovarian cancer but will not find out for over a year due to being “too young” for ovarian cancer.

A 15 year old girl is not keeping up with chores and homework: “She is just lazy and does not want to put the effort in.”

This girl has ADHD and wants to do her chores and school work but her executive functioning challenges make it so that she can’t keep up with the demands of home and school. 

All of these statements are rooted in ableism and the lack of knowledge about invisible illnesses. Unfortunately, it is not an uncommon experience in the invisible disability space.

Having an invisible illness is hard. One of the reasons it can be hard is because people may not believe that you are sick and have a lack of empathy for your difficulties because they cannot see the difficulties nor experience them.

It can also be exhausting to educate others and advocate for yourself so people will believe you. However, it is necessary to do so in order to have your needs met and take care of yourself. People with visible disabilities also need to advocate for themselves due to ableism in society. The difference for those with invisible disabilities is you also need to “prove” you are sick. And once you do, people may frequently forget because your illness is out of sight and out of mind to them. Although, living with the illness you do not get the luxury of your illness being out of sight and out of mind as you live with it daily.

While having an invisible disability is burdensome, due to living in an ableist society, the ability to be able to “hide” your illness can be helpful when facing prejudice and discrimination. The problem is that people with invisible disabilities are often taught to lean into this and hide their disability, which tends to cause more issues than benefits. It is important to know that having an invisible disability is valid and it is not their job to hide their disability from others in order to make them comfortable. Having a disability is not something to be ashamed of; however, being taught to hide the illness (because it is invisible) can lead to feelings of shame or lead to minimizing their needs and experiences.

Invisible illness means it is not readily visible to others. However, it does not mean that it is not valid and not visible to the person living with it every single day.

Support may not be directed towards them because people can not see the need for support. This does not mean that they don’t need support. People may make accusations that they are  faking the illness or not understand the variability of symptoms day to day.

It is important that if you experience an invisible illness that you can remind yourself that your disability is real and valid. Coping with the struggles that come with invisible disabilities mainly includes believing in yourself and your own experiences. If you are able to validate your experiences you can better advocate for yourself, notice ableism around you, and take care of yourself both mentally and physically. The more you are able to communicate about your experiences, even if others’ cannot see it, the more likely you are to gain understanding from your loved ones and get support when you need it.

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